


Aubade

by BurningFairytales



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningFairytales/pseuds/BurningFairytales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer isn't breaking. He's not. It's not like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aubade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FaustianAspirant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustianAspirant/gifts).



 

 

_Don't say I’ve gone crazy_  
 _Because I haven’t gone crazy yet_  
 _I haven’t gone crazy yet_  
 _I just lost my mind  
_ _But I still got you  
_ **_(- Lydia; “One more day”)_ **

****

* * *

**_  
_**

  **I.**

When Lucifer blinks into existence, Michael is the first thing he sees.

Beautiful, beautiful Michael, with a Grace so warm and loving that he feels drawn to it immediately. He is given the name Bringer of Light, in the knowledge that he will shine the brightest of them all.

(And he will.)

And God embraces his children. He tells him that he will be loved; that they will be a family.

(They will.)

He tells them that they will stay together.

(And they...

They-

Will they?)

Michael comes to him and engulfs him in that warmth, and Lucifer feels home.

 _Oh_ , he thinks. _Oh_.

 

**II.**

His brother sparks something inside of him, Michael notes.  He can’t quite define it, but there is... _something_ when he’s together with Lucifer that he doesn’t feel with any other angel. There are more of them now; his first three brothers and their father are only his closest family. None of them make him feel what he feels with Lucifer though, and he’s not sure he likes it.

His loyalty is supposed to be with their father. Michael is a good son.

But even he cannot deny that he enjoys Lucifer’s company more than he should.

 

**III.**

_Do you really think that we’re not supposed to feel?_ Lucifer asks him, when they are alone in the Garden. His Grace reaches out to touch that of his brother’s, and he holds in a breath that he doesn’t technically need.

 _I think we can_ , he says, when Michael doesn’t answer. _I think we can, because I do feel. I know that I love you, and I love our father, and why should this be forbidden?_  He traces Michael’s wing with his finger and tries to imagine his feelings put into some kind of form.

 _It’s not,_ Michael answers. He tells him that they’re family, and Lucifer is supposed to love them. But that’s all there is to it.

 _But you can feel it, too, can’t you? There’s something there, and it’s not the same love I feel for father,_ he tells him.

Michael takes a step back, and leaves Lucifer’s hand hanging in the air. _Don’t talk nonsense, brother._ And in that moment, he looks tired. So tired, that Lucifer almost lets it go.

Almost.

He shakes his head. _No, there is definitely something there. I know you can feel it, too._

**IV.**

_Lucifer, stop this._ Michael doesn’t move as Lucifer’s hand rests on his neck, and the other reaches up to touch the side of his face.

There’s something in his brother’s eyes; something that seems just a bit too much like _longing_ to make it terrifying. _Please, Michael. This is love. It has to be._ And then he kisses him. It takes every bit of willpower in Michael to remain unmoving. For all the strength that their father has granted him, he does not have enough power to push Lucifer away.

When the other angel moves back slightly, Michael can only look at him. _Please. Lucifer. We can’t do this._

Lucifer smirks slightly, and Michael realises a second too late what he has just said.

When their lips meet again, Michaels resolve crumbles, because, yes, he _wants_ this. He wants Lucifer, wants to be with him, wants everything. And suddenly they’re on the floor, and Lucifer is clinging to him like he doesn’t know how to let go.

 

**V.**

The next centuries are spent like this: Shared looks, grins and smiles. Graces intertwined and lingering touches when no one is around to witness it. They aren’t meant to do this. Both of them realise that this is not the kind of love that their father had intended for them to feel. This isn’t clean. It’s messy, and impure, and Michael thinks that out of everything, this is probably the worst thing he could do. But it feels good and it feels _right_ , and they will let themselves indulge.

One of them loves and the other one wants, and it’s not always exactly clear who is doing what anymore.

 

**VI.**

And then humanity is created, and slowly –

slowly-

the first cracks begin to show.

 

**VII.**

Lucifer doesn’t like the way that Michael looks at mankind. He looks at them with complete acceptance, and he tries his best to love them, as their father has wished. But these humans – a man and a woman – they’re free to act as they choose. They can be with each other openly. And apparently, Michael does not see any fault in that.

 _Michael_ , he says to him one day. _Michael, stop watching these creatures. They’re inferior to us._

And Michael doesn’t understand. Michael never understands.

(That’s not entirely true. Michael has always understood. Just never when it concerned Lucifer.)

_But our father wants us to look out for them. To care for them as if they were our brother and sister. He wants us to love them, Lucifer._

And this isn’t right. Because their father would never be happy about them being with each other in the way that they are, and yet it is only when he is with Michael that he feels complete. And yet these... these humans are allowed to choose their own actions when even God’s first creations cannot? He lays a hand on his brother’s shoulder, and tries to make him see that.

 _Michael, our father is wrong._ These, apparently, were the wrong words to say, because Michael recoils. But Lucifer can’t let this go. _Brother, you have spent all of your time watching over these creations. Creations that were given free will – something even we were denied. Free will, Michael. They can be with each other whenever they want to. Do you think that our father would grant us that?_

Michael looks at him, not understanding. So Lucifer will make him understand. He’s done it before. He can do it again. Again, he reaches out to touch his shoulder, hand tightening just a little. _Brother, these creatures are inferior to us in every way. And yet they were granted a freedom that even we can’t have. Do you not see anything wrong with that?_

 _Are you questioning our father’s decision, Lucifer?_ Michael’s eyes darken, and his Grace roars dangerously for a moment. _I have broken the rules, brother, because being with you... it makes me feel. But I will not betray our father like this._

 _Are you choosing them over me, Michael?_ The hand tightens a little more.

_You sound confused, Lucifer. Perhaps it would be better for you to spend some time by yourself, and reconsider who you are meant to be loyal to._

Lucifer’s hand lets go of his shoulder as if burned. Michael turns around and walks away, and Lucifer can only stare at his retreating back.

This is the beginning of a tragedy, although maybe neither of them know it yet.

 

**VIII.**

At this point, one should probably take a moment to think about jealousy.

Because jealousy is smothering. Jealousy is ugly, and impure. It burns and it destroys so very, very easily.

**IX.**

Reconsider his loyalty, Michael said. Lucifer doesn’t care so much for loyalty. He adores his father, and he loves his brother, and both of them are leaving him for those humans.

 _I only want,_ he thinks, and then stops. _I only want Michael._ Everything had been better before humanity existed.

He needs Michael. Michael is everything. He can’t lose that. Not to his father’s newest creation, not to his father.

Not to anything.

Later, Raphael finds him in the Garden.

 _Brother,_ he addresses him. _Brother, Michael has confided in me what you have told him._

At this, Lucifer turns his head. _Did he, now?_

_Yes, and I must agree with him. Please tell me you have changed your mind. Your fixation on our brother has clouded your judgement._

_Don’t,_ Lucifer says. Because he doesn’t want to hear this. Because Raphael is wrong. Because none of them understand.

_What is it that you expect, Lucifer? We are not supposed to want. I know you’ve been confused lately, but-_

_I’m not,_ he interrupts. _I’m not confused. It’s not like that._ He closes his eyes, and only sees Michael’s eyes. _I’m not like that. I’m not._

 _I think maybe you are, brother. Maybe you’re breaking. But you can still come back from this. Please reconsider._ And with that, he leaves.

Everyone seemed to be leaving him, lately.

Everyone left, and no one understood.

 

**X.**

Lucifer isn’t _breaking_.

A little damaged, maybe. But not breaking. ‘Damaged’ means that it isn’t his fault that he is different. Something .... no, someone – Michael – had come along and changed the way he worked. Michael damaged him. It isn’t Lucifer’s fault.

‘Damaged’ is less dangerous a term.

But not ‘breaking’.

(Because breaking means that he isn’t keeping together anymore. And Lucifer is not falling apart.)

**XI.**

And then, it all seems so clear. Everything was better before humanity was created. Lucifer cannot unmake them, and he loves his father too much to harm them directly. But everything was better before they existed. They were happier.

And Michael had only looked at him.

So the creatures have to disappear. If they want free will, then they should live with the knowledge that comes with it.

So a plan is made.

(For a second, he doubts. Bu his mind whispers _Do it for MichaelMichaelMichael-!_ And he finds new resolution.)

Lucifer had always been the charming one. The one that could convince others to do as he wanted. If he thought about how Michael would be with him forever...

This wouldn’t be too hard.

 

**XII.**

The night before he sets his plan into motion, he visits Michael again. It has been too long that they were alone, and he needs to at least try to get him to understand.

He finds him in the Garden. Lucifer walks up to him from behind and wraps his arms around his waist, burying his head in the hollow of his throat. For a minute, he doesn’t say anything;  just closes his eyes and gets lost in the feeling of holding onto him.

For a moment, there is only Michael and him, and their Garden. Their special place.

It takes him a while to speak. _I love you. And I know that tomorrow, you will think that I don’t, but I do. I want you to know that I’m doing this for us._

He opens his eyes when he feels his brother stiffen. _Lucifer?_ Michael asks. _What’s going on?_

And there are so many answers to this question, aren’t there? He considers telling him everything, considers explaining. But Michael doesn’t get it. Michael is so blind with his love for their father that he doesn’t see how wrong he is.

_Nothing, brother. I just needed to let you know. I can’t lose you._

At this, Michael lays his hand on top of Lucifers. A gesture that is meant to be reassuring. _If you’re talking about the other day, don’t worry. It’s forgotten. You were just confused. I’m not going anywhere._

**XIII.**

The tragedy is that neither of them realise just how right he is.

 

**XIV.**

The next time they see each other, they are standing on opposite sides of a battlefield.

(There are angels fighting all over the place, marks of wings are burned into the ground, a cacophony of harsh sounds: there’s yelling and the sound of metal as angel blades clash against each other. Torn wings and the blood of their brothers and sisters everywhere.)

Both Lucifer and Michael are bruised and covered both with their own, and the blood of others. They’ve fought and are now facing each other, and neither of them seems to be able to move.

It is Michael that speaks up first. _Lucifer... why?!_

_I did this for us, Michael! If Heaven won’t let us be together, then we have to change it! Heaven is wrong! God is wrong!_

_You’re the one who’s wrong, Lucifer! This is madness!_

_Come with me, Michael. We can create a new Heaven. One that allows us angels to have Free Will as well. A Heaven that will let us be together!_ He holds out his hand towards him.

_Lucifer, please! Don’t make me choose between you and our father. I love you, but I love our father, and our siblings, too. Please!_

It’s almost painful, because this was Michael; one of the strongest angel that Heaven had, and he was begging. But Lucifer was growing desperate, because he was fighting a losing battle, and he didn’t have much longer. He needed Michael to come with him. Needed him.

_Listen, Michael...! I don’t need you to love me. You can love father as long as you’d like. I just need you to come with me. I just need you to be with me!_

But Michael does the one thing that could possibly break his heart, because he after a long moment, he slowly shakes his head. _I can’t. My place is here. Lucifer, I just can’t go._

And this is where something inside Lucifer snaps.

And Lucifer breaks.

If Michael won’t go with him, he can only think of one more way to make sure that they will stay together. Because losing Michael means losing everything, and Lucifer has always been too protective of what is his to give _everything_ up.

So he charges, angel blade raised, and Michael has only time to think _no,_ and _please_ before raising his own.

They meet just as the sun rises; their bodies touching, and there has never been more agony in Michaels face than in that moment. His angel blade lodged itself into Lucifers wing, whereas Lucifer’s own clattered to the ground.

 _Not enough to kill_ , he has to remind himself. Not enough to kill. But it might just as well be.

 

**XV.**

They fall together, both of them, and it’s only after they have reached the Cage that Michael lets go.

* * *

**Aubade:**

1\. A morning love song  
 ** _2\. a song or poem about lovers seperating at dawn_**

**Author's Note:**

> A very, very belated Happy Birthday, Emma!! :D  
> This is my first time writing Michifer, and it has had me tearing my hair, because I felt completely incompetent. But in the end, I think it turned out alright. Maybe.  
> Anyway, I really hope you'll like it!


End file.
